To Give Up On The World
by Rolco The Fallen Angel
Summary: J leaves Neku for four years and then expects Neku to love him back after he returns... Neku wants to love Joshua again, but he feels that too much has changed and that he can't trust J anymore... Will the flame of love re-spark, or has the fire burned out forever? JxN. Yaoi. Don't like? Either go jump off a cliff or don't read. Your choice. (I am not responsible for any deaths XD)
1. Chapter 1

To Give Up On The World~by Rolco The Fallen Angel~

Author's Note… I Guess…

(This story was formerly called Re-Falling For You. Sorry but I had to change it for personal reasons.) Okay, this is going to be a really good story. I hope. I'm not sure how long this story will be or when exactly I'll be able to upload new chapters, so follow/subscribe/do whatever the hell you need to do to know when the next chapters are up. Disclaimer: _Obviously _I don't own TWEWY (the best, funniest, and frankly_, shortest_ game ever) or the characters. Now, time to get to what you came for! XD (P.S. review pleaz!)

Chapter One

_Joshua awoke late in the night to Neku stirring gently in his arms. "Neku…" He said, quietly, "Shush… it's two in the morning, sleep." He held Neku closer, reliving the night before in his mind. He smiled._

When Joshua woke up later in the day, he realized that Neku was gone from his arms. He panicked for a second before he saw Neku lying farther off on the bed on his stomach, arms folded beneath his head. Joshua, feeling mischievous, slid closer to Neku and reached out his hand. He lightly drifted his fingers over Neku's naked lower back, and when his Proxy tensed under his touch, the Composer smiled. "Neku dear," He said in his hypnotizingly sing-songy voice. "Wake up, it must be at least four in the afternoon, we've slept all day." Neku moaned and shifted his position to try and block Josh out. "No… mtoftfrdmm… tired… last night… rough… mmnnnfff… sore now…" Was what Josh thought he could make out from Neku's senseless mumbling. He smiled again. "Yes Neku, last night _was_ rough, and you did very well, you should be proud." He wrapped his arms around Neku, forcing the orange-haired boy to face him. Joshua leaned close and kissed Neku softly on the lips. "Wake up, Neku, please?" Neku groaned and shook Joshua off, then stood up. He sucked in a sharp breath as he did. "Yeah… last night might have been a little _too_ rough… we'll have to take it a tiny bit easier until I'm used to it…" He told J as they carefully dressed and left the master bedroom of the Dead God's Pad.

Later, I'm Guessing…

"Joshua," Mr. H said sternly. "I don't care how much you want to stay. I don't even know why you _want _ to stay here. The Games are boring now, nothing happens in the RG, and frankly, I'm running out of ideas for CAT products. My name is everywhere in the city. Plus, the café gets, like, _zero _ business from the non-Player population." Joshua sighed. "Sanae, listen, I want to stay, and that's final. I have my reasons. And I'm sure you can find _something _ here to occupy yourself for a while more."

Mr. H facepalmed. "But _WHY_ Joshua, _why_? Why do you want to stay so bad? You used to hate it here. You begged to leave. Now you don't want to move anywhere." Sanae then appeared to be thinking deeply. "It started… six months ago… right after that incident with Shades and Phones…Wait!" CAT jumped off the chair he had been sitting on. "Phones! It's Phones, isn't it? I've noticed you've been sneaking out of work to see him… You like him, don't you?" Joshua looked offended. "Sanae, I don't know where that absurd idea came from. Are you on medications, perhaps?" Sanae only laughed at his young-looking boss. "I can't believe it, the Composer has a _crush_! The god of the Underground, in love with a human!" Then Sanae did the most childish thing he could have possibly done. He literally got down on the floor and rolled, suffering from a severe case of giggles, chuckles, and downright laughter.

"Sanae Hanekoma, I advise you stop this foolishness at once!" Joshua demanded, standing up angrily. After a minute, Sanae recovered and stood as well. "Sanae, I have told you time and time again that I have no feelings for Neku Sakuraba. He is a _mortal_, a _pawn_, my _ex-Proxy_. Nothing more." "Yes, Josh, you've told me this, but yet you didn't destroy Shibuya because of him. He changed something inside of you, I can see it." Sanae crossed his arms and looked down on Joshua. "I know you like him. Don't try to deny it. But for the good of the UG, RG, and AG, we have to leave. I may be a Fallen Angel, but I'm also the Producer, and when duty calls, the Producer _and_ the Composer must both leave to go to where they are needed. There are thousands of districts and we rule over all of them. Shibuya is only _one_. This is our job. This is what we have to do, Joshua. We can't escape this. _It's our fate_." Sanae had lowered the volume of his voice to barely above a whisper. As he spoke, he held Joshua's shoulders and looked deeply into his violet eyes, trying with all his power to talk some sense into the boy.

Joshua exploded. He jerked out of Mr. H's grasp, icy fire burning in his gaze. "Fate be damned! I'm staying _here_, Sanae, and there's nothing you can do." Sanae looked at the royally pissed Composer. "No, Joshua, there's nothing _you _ can do. We leave in a week, whether you want to or not. So say goodbye to Phones while you can, because if you don't come willingly, I'll have to take you there by _force," _ Mr. H said firmly. The fire from Joshua's eyes had died and was replaced by sorrow.

Then, as unexpectedly and unwantedly as snow in July, the Almighty Composer completely broke down and began to cry. "No, Sanae, I can't leave him, please, I need him," Joshua sobbed. It was not an all-out tear fest, but the kind that made your eyes sting and your throat dry up, the kind where a few small tears burn their way down your face and make you want nothing more than to hold the one you love and never let them go. The _worst_ kind. Sanae, not used to this side of Josh, was extremely surprised and taken aback. "J-josh, don't… don't cry… it'll only be for a while, I'm sure…" Sanae realized he didn't know how to handle this situation at all. He sighed and left the room, leaving Joshua alone to cope with his own screwed-up feelings.


	2. Chapter 2 Part One

To Give Up On The World~ by Rolco The Fallen Angel~

Author's Note, I Guess…

Ok, second chapter! Thankz for staying with me! Disclaimer: I still don't own TWEWY or the characters. Oh yeah, before I forget. This is _still _yaoi, just thought I should let you know. (If you don't like it, I still recommend jumping off a cliff; I'm not responsible for your death/injuries if you do.) Enough blabbering from me, here's the chapter! Enjoy, my faithful followers! (If you guys exist.)

Chapter Two; Part One

Awful, awful, awful. It was all awful. _How_ was he going to tell Neku he was leaving? How would Neku respond to the news? How could he survive without Neku? All of these questions and more swirled though Joshua Kiryu's head, all leading back to the main question: _How could he live without Neku? _

Eventually Josh decided not to tell Neku until the day before, to keep him from worrying. He hoped he'd made the right choice…

The Night Before Joshua's Depart…

Six days later,Joshua and Neku were tangled together on the bed in Neku's room. The lights were out and a layer of darkness covered them. Of course, they were perfectly comfortable; their bodies fit together like the pieces of a puzzle. Neku laid his head on Josh's chest, and Joshua cradled the back of Neku's head with his hand. The other was on Neku's back. They laid there for several minutes, embracing the silence.

After a while Josh took in a deep breath and said, "Neku, I'm leaving tomorrow." Neku looked up. "What do you mean, 'leaving'? Where are you going?" Joshua could sense the fear in his partner's gaze, even though it was hidden by darkness. "I don't know where, but Mr. H says that the Composer and the Producer must go to wherever they are needed, _when_ever they are needed. I'm guessing we're needed somewhere else right now, that Shibuya can handle itself for a while."

The fear in Neku's eyes remained, even grew a little. "How long will you be gone?" Josh sighed. "I don't know. Sanae told me that it could be years," Neku gasped and Joshua could hear him crying, silent as it was. Damn his godly senses. He held Neku closer, stroking his hair. "It's alright, Neku, shh… I'll come back. I'll always come back to you." Neku buried his face further into Josh's chest. "No… you can't leave… I need you… please…"

Joshua could feel tears well up in his own eyes. He furiously blinked them back. _No._ He had never cried in front of anyone, except for Sanae, and that had been once. "Neku, I have to go. If I don't go willingly, Sanae will take me by force. I'm sorry." Neku whispered softly, "but I _need_ _you, _Joshua."

Josh gave up and let the tears fall. "I need you too, Neku. I need you more than anything in the world. But I will always be with you, even if you can't see me, and when you feel alone, as if everyone in the world has forsaken you, think of me and I will be near. I love you, Neku, always and forever."

Neku tried unsuccessfully to stop crying, and then fell into a light sleep, Joshua watching over him. Soon Josh grew tired and slept, listening to Neku's breathing and the warm beating of his heart.

Oh, how he would miss this.

Author's Note, I Guess…

Ok, kind of a sad chapter, I'll admit, but get used to it, it gets worse. I hope you guys will review, because if you don't, I'll send Kariya to come and rape you. O_o…?! …What's with the perved smile?... _Please _don't tell me you _like _that idea?!

Umm… forgetting that ever happened… Rawr! I has to do math homework… I hate math!

*Sho walks in* Sho: "You _WHAT_?!"

Uhh… gotta go… *Starts running*


	3. Chapter 2 Part Two

To Give Up On The World ~ by Rolco The Fallen Angel~

Author's Note, I Guess…

Um… not much to say right now… This chpt. Is gonna mainly be Neku's Journal, so yeah. Disclaimer: TWEWY's not mine, or the characters, or any of the poems I'm gonna use. Yes, I said it, poems. If you can't tell, I'm extremely tired. Enjoy. P.S. if this is super cheesy or something, somebody _please _tell me. Enjoy. Or not. Still yaoi. U no like? U can go jump off a cliff 4 all I care.

Chapter Two; Part Two

_Blankness. Emptiness. Painfulness. Awful, excruciating painfulness. There's no reason for anything anymore. Everything hurts. Everything's numb. I wish I could stop it, the hurting. Sometimes I think there's only one way that will truly end it, but I always have those thoughts while looking at a blade. But then something intrudes my thoughts and I always seem to say to myself, 'If I'm… gone… what will he have to return too? He said he'd come back, that he'd always come back for me, and if I'm not here… no. I can't do that to him.' Shiki told me some things that might help, so I'm going to try them, not that I think they'll work, just to make her happy, to make her feel like she helped. Here's her list._

**Keep a Journal/Diary.** Something to keep your thoughts in. If you hold them inside, they'll keep building up and it will be too much to handle. Journals are also good if you don't want to talk with someone.

**If you want, talk to someone.** It always helps to have a friend to help you carry the weight.

**Eat ice cream.** It may sound stupid, but enough of it will actually start to numb your mind, which can help if you can't stop thinking about that person.

**Don't hold in your tears.** If you feel like you need to cry, cry your heart out. Cry yourself to sleep. You'll feel much better after you get it out of your system.

**Be social.** If you stay in your room all the time, it will only get worse. Go out with your friends to see a movie or go to a party.

**Try something new.** Trying new hobbies will help keep your mind busy, and off of that person.

**Try poetry.** Even if you're not poetic, you can always write down something. Remember that no one else has to read it.

**If all else fails, you can try finding someone else to date.** You don't have to start out dating; you can start as just friends, and when you think the time is right, make a move. Use this only if all else fails. This step is not recommended.

_I'm actually really glad I read the list and didn't just throw it away like I planned to. As you can see, I've already started a journal, and it's helping a lot. I've even taken up poetry. Turns out I'm pretty good at it! Here's some I wrote a while ago. (Oh, yeah, it's been about six months.)_

**Why Does It Have To Hurt Inside?**

Why does it have to hurt inside? Why do I have to cry each night? I think I have to walk on by… Plus I'm starting to lose my sight… What is it that changed your mind? Who is it that keeps you blind? Why did you change so fast? Did you really have to leave me behind? I start to think about all we had, And how it turned this way… I guess I'll have to leave your side, And turn my face away… Although my soul will die… Although my heart will cry… I've got nothing else to do, I'm hurt deep inside. But although I'll leave your side, You'll be always on my mind… My heart and soul will ache for you, Every day and every night… You're my never-ending love, The love that keeps me alive… You're the one I'll love forever, Although it hurts inside…

_I wrote that one about a week after… now that I look back, I was pretty pathetic, but, all points taken, I still am. (sigh…) Shiki told me the healing process was hard… Anyways, here's another. I wrote this one a few days after. Shiki had tried to blow it off, like it never happened. Then she came to her senses and made me the list._

**Please**

Please don't tell me not to cry. Please don't say there was a reason why. You don't know what I am feeling. Or how much I hurt. The wet spots are from tears on the collar of this shirt. You think I should go on with life. Forget about it and be strong. But deep down I am sad, I don't want to go along. I don't expect you to understand why. For no apparent reason I break down and start to cry. My life has changed forever, you see. And that is why I'm not acting like the same old me. So please don't try to act like nothing happened. Because it's changed my life forever. I will never be the same again. Not today, not tomorrow, but never. The best thing you can do for me is just be there. Just like always, my friend. My broken heart is hurting bad, and it will never mend.

_The next one I wrote about two months after. The inspiration came after a night of screaming his name at the top of my lungs for a reason I can't remember._

**Night**

It's about being a partner, turn on the light so I'm not left here alone, wondering where you are. Maybe you thought you were protecting me, Maybe you thought we'd bump into each other here, in this shadow. Or maybe you thought I'd spend my life blindly chasing you, I'm not really sure. But I needed you here, in the dark. I cried out your name, and you never came. And now you're calling after me. But we've wandered miles away from each other here, in the evening gloom. And I'm too tired to know how to return.

_Oh almost forgot to mention, he left me a good-bye present. Guess what it is. Come on, I said guess! Ugh, fine, I'll tell you. It's a kitten. Shut your mouth, Jaw-dropper, you'll catch flies. Yes, I said kitten, a little, tiny, baby kitten at that. He also left me a pin. Of all things. A pearly-white pin with a black music note on it. Also, he can talk to me through it. Yeah. The day after I screamed for him, I heard a voice in my head, a clear one, his voice, and it said, 'Neku, Neku, can you hear me? It's (his name). I can talk to you now! But just for a little while at a time… sorry! My time's up for now. Bye, Neku! I miss you so much!' After the cute little message, I threw that stupid pin at my window. Naturally, it came flying back at me and almost gave me a black eye. Right now, the pin is locked in one of my dresser drawers, hopefully never to be seen again. And again, shut your mouth, of course I miss him, I miss him like hell, but if I can't have all of him, I don't want any of him. If you can't tell, I'm trying my hardest to not say his name. Anyways, about the kitten. He's an orange tabby that has longer fur on his forehead which looks so anime; it's probably one of his tricks. His eyes are emerald green and he's the most perfect cat ever. His name tag said 'Neko' which means 'cat'. Trust me, I looked it up. Ironically, Neko has actually helped me get over He-who-shall-not-be-named rather than making me think of him. Here's another poem if you want to read it. This one I wrote after I asked Rhyme and Shiki what true love is a few days ago._

**Love**

"Love," said a girl, "Is a rose, a gorgeous garden; Many times I have been there, seen its wonderful flowers, from what made the world seem bright." "Love," said another girl, "Is an angel, a heaven, a beautiful hope, an amazing feeling; I have longed for it, but I never seem to feel the warmth of its touch." And I believe the second girl; love is to me an angel, a heaven, a beautiful hope, an amazing feeling. And only once have I felt the warmth of its touch.

_Here's one I wrote after crying myself to sleep several nights in a row after he left._

**Tears**

All alone, in the middle of the ocean, the moon pulls upon the sea. Without a choice, the tide rises… but alas, the moon is a million miles away… I can't hold you in my arms, so I turn my face from the pale blue light, so no one can see the longing in my heart that glistens on my cheek, like the spray of waves reaching towards the night sky, only to fall upon the silver sand.

_The next I wrote four months ago._

**Will I Get Over You**

You told me that you loved me, that you wouldn't ever leave me but you turned around and did it anyways. Now I'm crying my heart out, hoping you would hear me but you just ignore my painful cry. Each and every day passes by, I fake a smile to the world. But underneath my smile there is my broken heart. All the good memories you gave me is all I have left of you, but it's slowly fading away as time goes by every day. But will I get over you?

_A month ago I had an awful nightmare. It was about him and Hanekoma. They were in a bed somewhere, and he was betraying me. I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing hard. The only thing I saw was Neko's sweet face staring at me, tilting his head to the side and mewing. I wondered if the dream was real or not… I wrote this the next morning._

**Broken Heart**

I will never forget the days we once had. The days when you were everything to me. My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever. But now I realize that was all a big dream. The feelings I have for you will never go. I wish I could take back that one regretful day. The day when I willingly let you slide from my arms. Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets. That I would once have to live through. The sight of you in someone else's arms makes my heart shatter into a million pieces. I sometimes wonder if you still think of me. Or if to you, I'm just another face in the crowd. I wish so very much that one day; we could have it all back. But for now, I'll sit here silently, remembering all the memories we once shared. Every day my love grows weaker, but I still hope that one day you will come back to me. And put back the pieces of my broken heart.

Neku put the pen and notebook away, and lay awake for a few minutes, wondering about the movie he, Beat, Rhyme, and Shiki were going to see the next day. Soon Neko jumped up on his chest and they both fell asleep.

Author's Note Or Something Like That…

Umm… hope u liked it… sorry 4 taking 4ever… it's been complicated so im glad u stayed with me… I should write faster now but im about 2 go on vacation 4 a week so yeah… thanx 2 Trisforce, Queen Weirdo, & Moon 4 replying! Luv u guys!

Xx3xX Rolco TFA


	4. A Random Detour To Nowhere

A Random Detour to Nowhere: To Give Up on The World Edition!

Ok, as the title suggests, this a random detour from our main story, so you can skip it if you want. (but if you do, you suck. Balls. Not the good, sexy kind, either.)

The Birthday Game Scenario…

So far, I'm being stalked by Voldemort and Iron Man,

I'm married to Mario and Riku,

I hang out with the Kingdom Hearts peeps every day 'cause they luv me, +

Watched the world burn with a Jigglypuff,

And I've been to the mall with Speedy several times. O_o (I always knew Speedy was gay! No hates plez, I love Speedy almost as much as I love Robin.)

Also, Italy pokes me in the ribs because he's the best at it… O_o

Also, I've decided to make my own B-day Game Scenario! Enjoy….

+- From my scenario game

U no the drill… find ur month… then ur day… then ur eye color…

Month: Scenario

Jan: U crashed a party with _.

Feb: U hang out with _ every day.

Mar: U traveled 2 Mars with _.

Apr: U switched bodies with _.

May: U beat the crap out of _.

Jun: U r stuck on an island with _.

Jul: U r permanently handcuffed 2 _.

Aug: U grabbed a drink (or 6, u can't remember) with _.

Sep: U watched a horror movie with _.

Oct: Ur best friends with _.

Nov: U r being stalked by _.

Dec: U ate bacon with _.

Day: Person(s)

1: Ur best friend.

2: Bugs Bunny.

3: Everyone from Kingdom Hearts.

4: A 10$ bill.

5: Harry Potter.

6: A pencil sharpener.

7: Annoying Orange.

8: A Pikachu.

9: Mario.

10: Ryan Seacrest.

11: Bacon.

12: A potato.

13: Ronald McDonald.

14: Elvis.

15: Justin Beiber.

16: A wolf.

17: A rabid squirrel.

18: Mickey Mouse.

19: The Incredible Crew.

20: Darth Vader.

21: Luke Skywalker.

22: Origami Yoda.

23: A can of Dr. Pepper.

24: Bruno Mars.

25: Daffy Duck.

26: the Beatles.

27: Ur worst enemy.

28: One Direction.

29: Percy Jackson.

30: Mike Wisowski.

31: Spiderman.

Eye Color: Reason

Blue: Because it was Christmas.

Green: Because they wanted to.

Brown: Cause they're ur best friend(s).

Black: Because bacon took over the world.

Gray: Cause pickles r evil.

Gray-green: Cause they love u.

Gray-blue: Because u r insane.

Violet: cause they're ur worst enemy.

Other: Cause u were bored.

Hope u liked it…. If not, too bad. Here r some of my fav combos, hope they make u laugh ur butt off.

Oct. 1st, brown eyes. Comment- Really?! I never would have guessed!

Dec. 11th, black eyes. Comment- Wow, that makes so much sense…

Nov. 27th, violet or green eyes. Comment- Derp.

Any month. 4th, 6th,11th,12th, 23rd, gray-blue or other eyes. No Comments.

May 27th, violet eyes. Comment- :p

Plez comment on your scenario results and what you think is the most hilarious combination of them all. :p

Good News! End of the Random Detour To Nowhere, To Give Up On The World Edition!

Back to our story!


	5. Chapter 3

To Give Up On the World~ By Rolco TFA… y do I still do this? U should know this by now…

Author's Note… u know the drill...

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy. How r u? don't answer that, I cant hear u. so, howd u like the last chapter? (Answer in reply form, plez) anywayz, some of this is gonna be N's diary…. Er… journal… and some of its not. Ummm…. Uh, Twewy's STILL not mine, no matter how much I wish… the first star & bday candles don't work… Umm… still yaoi, kinda… I guess… maybe… u decide 4 urself… cliff jumpers, be my guest, u know what 2 do. Ive got nothing else 2 say so… enjoy… or die the bottom of a cliff… whateves.

Chapter Three…

Neku, Beat, Shiki, and Rhyme were at the movie theater. They were going in to see Immortal Soul, a new horror movie based on a video game Neku and Beat had played. Rhyme and Shiki were just tagging along.

"Hey," Shiki said enthusiastically, "Who wants popcorn?" They all agreed, but Beat got his own so he could put nacho cheese flavor on it, something Shiki didn't approve of. "I just can't believe you would put cheese on it," She was arguing. "It ain't cheese, yo," Beat fired back. "It be cheese _powder._" "Makes no difference, it's still cheese." "Ugh, whateva," Beat crossed his arms, or, at least he tried, what with carrying a pop, a Snickers, and the cheese-powdery popcorn. "Dammit you two, now we're late because of your arguing. Over _cheese._" Neku complained.

"Um… wha'd I do? Why are you guys staring at me like that?" He asked, lifting a questioning eyebrow. "Y-you spoke…" Shiki stammered, looking as if she had just seen a ghost. The eyebrow didn't waver. "Dude…" Beat said, almost dropping his popcorn. The eyebrow wasn't moving anywhere but higher up on Neku's forehead. "Neku…" Rhyme's voice was small and quiet. "You haven't spoken _all day._ We were starting to get worried." "Oh, I hadn't noticed… sorry guys, I guess I'm just tired. Neko kept me up late last night yowling."

"_Sure,_" Beat said sarcastically. Then he muttered to himself, "I bet he was up thinking about his long-gone love," earning his nuts a close encounter with the toe of Skiki's boot. "Owww-owww-oww-ow! Wha- Wha was dat for, yo?!" Beat said, obviously in a great deal of pain.

…After the movie…

After the movie, Neku, Beat, Shiki, and Rhyme walked to 104, where Rhyme & Shiki where going to go shopping and Beat & Neku were going to the arcade. On the way there, rhyme muttered, "That was the worst movie ever. It was so… so _fake_." Shiki agreed, and Neku laughed out loud. "Me and Beat were cracking up through the whole thing!" Shiki looked at Neku with a grin. "What Beat was doing didn't sound like laughter…" "Well," Beat interrupted, 'It's hard to laugh when YOUR BALLS ARE ON FIRE!"

"And… what happened to being a tough guy, Beat?" Rhyme asked, a cute smile dancing on her lips.

_Hey, so… I haven't written anything for a while now, so I thought I'd put down something. It's been a year since Josh left, which means I haven't written this thing for six months… anyways, I thing I'm over him… the damn pin he left is probably six feet under dust, but Neko's doing pretty good. Uh… not much else to say… I don't think ill be writing in here much anymore._

Author's Note

Hope u liked it! Ill post more later! Luv u guyz!


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